_thumb.png "Type is not meant to box you in; it is designed to help us understand ourselves and others better.")
I am not stupid, after all! (From the Kids)
Yvonne Nelson-Reid is a master practitioner for the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) instrument and a practitioner for the MMTIC® (Murphy-Meisgeier Type Indicator for Children®) assessment, who has been helping individuals, families, and children understand themselves better for over 25 years. In this series, From the Kids, Yvonne is dipping into her long history to share stories about the impact of type on the kids who take the MMTIC assessment from the perspective of the kids themselves.
My own children have grown up in a home where understanding personality type plays a big role in our day-to-day interactions. They have often mentioned how knowing their personality types and how they differ from each other has helped them deal with conflict, misunderstandings, and supporting one another. I have witnessed many of these occasions and it warms my heart to see them work through these situations with care, kindness, and an understanding and appreciation of our differences. What has been truly eye opening is when they take this knowledge and apply it outside of our home.
One of my daughters was struggling with her history class at the beginning of the pandemic when she switched from in-person to virtual learning. The assignments were self-directed with open-ended questions, many of which seemed confusing to her. She would spend four or more hours a night working on them. I finally sat down with her to see why it was taking her so long to complete the assignments. She prefers ESFJ (Extraversion, Sensing, Feeling, Judging). For her, clear instructions with step-by-step directions in a sequential order really help her with schoolwork. With the open-ended, vague questions, she found herself flustered not knowing exactly how to answer, so she would write everything she knew about the topic for each question, often with detailed, long responses just to make sure she did not miss anything.
No wonder it was taking her forever! With a preference for Sensing, details and facts, along with clear instructions, matter to her; in contrast, people who prefer Intuition tend to focus on connections, themes, and patterns. Finding details and too much instruction to be limiting, one with a preference for Intuition would rather be offered a framework to encourage imaginative and theoretical responses. With a Sensing preference, concrete information is appreciated, whereas with an Intuition preference, it is all about abstract concepts that allow freedom, imagination, and possibilities. Both styles are important when taking in information.
Once my daughter figured out that her teacher likely has a preference for Intuition - assessed through the teacher's tendency to write questions that provide a big picture viewpoint rather than a detailed explanation - which was different from hers, she could put together a plan on how to work within this framework. Feeling relieved, she said, "I am not stupid after all!" It was heartbreaking to hear that all along she thought she was not smart enough to do the work, when, in fact, it had to do with her learning style, not intelligence. Sadly, as a personality type practitioner, I hear this too often. People tend to make inaccurate assumptions about themselves when faced with a problem to solve that requires them to go outside of their natural personality type.
We can all use our opposite preferences when a situation requires it, however, it might feel awkward or uncomfortable, and we may be less effective in how we use them, leading to stress and a sense of personal failure. Children may experience this at a higher rate, since, developmentally, the goal of the first half of life is to develop the two middle letters of our personality type code, to feel comfortable and competent with the use of our information gathering and decision-making preferences. Over the life span, with good type development, we begin to feel more comfortable with the use of our opposite preferences, although likely we will never feel fully competent in their use.
Regarding my daughter's situation with her history class, knowing this was likely a personality type issue in relation to learning styles, I was curious as to how my daughter, a child who has grown up in a home where type language is used often, viewed the situation. Before I shared my insights, she blurted out, "I get it, mom! I prefer Sensing and I bet my teacher has a preference for Intuition!" It was one of those wonderful "aha" moments. I suggested that we set up a Zoom meeting with her teacher so that she could talk to her about how she naturally learns. The teacher was supportive and eager to help our daughter succeed. Keep in mind, the point here is not about changing curriculum to only teach in the style my daughter learns, but to help my daughter recognize and utilize her gifts, along with recognizing and acknowledging where she may face challenges. In the end, she aced the course, but more than that, she realized how she learns and was able to share that with the teacher so that a compromise could be reached where she was able to utilize her strengths (Sensing) and ask for help with her stretches (Intuition)!
x.png "Understanding personality differences can provide a framework for a better, more respectful relationship.")
.png "Sisters celebrate May the Fourth with personality type awareness")
.png "Understanding one's own personality type can enhance one's daily gratitude process.")
